


Silence was my worst sin

by travelshow29



Category: Supergirl
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Sun/Moon - Freeform, SuperCorp, little angst, post-reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-29 11:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19019428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/travelshow29/pseuds/travelshow29
Summary: “It’s funny…” Kara began.“Because every time I see you, you always remind me of the Moon”That memory was so painful for Lena, yet here she was, lost in her memories, reliving this night again. Alone.But Kara had other plans.They needed to talk.





	Silence was my worst sin

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my very first fic so bear with me! xD  
> Also I'm French so I apologize for any mistakes ^^
> 
> To my sister who is the Moon of my life... XOXO

It’s been two weeks. Two weeks since Lena pulled the trigger to kill her brother. Two weeks since she discovered her best friend was in fact Supergirl. 

She had taken her brother’s life. She hadn’t just murdered a man coldly; she had killed her own blood – well at least partially she reasoned. Yet despite this, it was the knowledge that the most important person in her life had lied to her for years that was slowly eating Lena away. 

With Lex, she knew such an outcome was always possible, even something that seemed inevitable. She accepted he would never return to the brother he once was, the brother that took her in and loved her. At least, made her believed he cared for her. She idealized him, until he became a maniac ready to exterminate the world if it led to Superman’s demise. Then her world fell apart, a second time. She was left to pick up the pieces, clean a mess she had nothing to do with. She embraced her destiny, she had no choice. And she tried to move on, despite the burden Lex left for her to carry. A legacy she had tried to turn into a force for good by taking over L-Corp. Lena had a purpose, a goal to achieve, and it saved her in a way nothing else could have. Along the way, Lena had come to the conclusion that her brother’s life was now over; he was about to serve God knows how many life sentences in prison. A sentence Lena didn’t think was enough in the comparison of all the lives her brother took during his reign of madness. She thought he deserved worse. He shouldn’t be living in a luxurious cell when the lives of so many where broken beyond repair. He should suffer a sentence matching the pain he had inflicted to all his victims’ families. Little did she know she would be the one to execute the sentence she deemed fitted at the end. But not before he broke her heart one last time, this time not with lies, but with something so much worse.

She knew Lex was telling the truth about Kara the second he mentioned her name. So many things suddenly made sense: the weird excuses, the strange behavior she sometimes displayed, the insistence Kara had about not untying her hair or remove her glasses in front of Lena when she stayed over. All those times she had to leave in the middle of a game night, or the times when she was late for no tangible reason. There were so many, she could go on all night. And maybe she had questioned these particular traits, wonder why Kara didn’t trust her enough to be honest with her when it was obvious she was omitting things. But she decided to ignore them in the end. Because she adored Kara, and didn’t want to give her Luthor mind any reason to doubt their friendship. And then with Supergirl: the hero always showing just at the right time, the never ending faith she had in Lena, the need to regain her trust after their fallout, and the familiar light and care in her eyes whenever she looked at Lena; all of this didn’t really made sense if they were just coworkers, teaming up only when the world needed both a Luthor and a Super. Again, she had chosen to ignore those facts. Because it was easy, because it felt safe, to just see Kara and Supergirl as separated entities.

But the moment the truth was outed by Lex, there were no room left for doubt. She knew in her heart her brother was honest for the first time in his life. It came from a darkened heart, a mad mind. His words were only meant to cause her pain, to mock her one last time as he drew his last breath. Despite his motives, the fact remained: Kara Danvers and Supergirl were one and the same. 

Maybe she always had known, deep down, but lacked the courage to acknowledge it. Lex was happy to shove it in her face, and in the cruelest way. The footages of Kara using her heat vision were enough to convince anyone - not that Lena needed the added proof of her best friend’s betrayal.

Lena couldn’t endure more, and so she left a dying Lex without looking back. Her world had fallen apart a third time. She couldn’t deal with this now; she needed to go away, as far as possible from her monstrous brother, and his vicious words. From the truth she did not want to see, yet that was now the only thing she could think of.  
She needed to clear her head. What was she going to do now? 

For the first time in her life, she had absolutely no idea.

⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓

Lena was staring at the Moon from her balcony in L-Corp. It was funny, really, that this simple action was causing her so much pain. 

She used to stare at the Moon and feel happiness and love. She had always thought of Kara as the Sun. Her best friend was just so bright and full of life. She radiated so much joy it was impossible for Lena to look away. She leaned in the warmth emanated by Kara and Lena was so grateful to be able to call the reporter her best friend. 

The first time she compared Kara to the Sun out loud, they were alone in the blonde’s loft.  
_  
Everyone had left after game night, and Lena had taken her sweet time getting ready to leave. She didn’t want to go home to an empty place, and would much rather stay as long as possible with Kara._

_The blonde didn’t seem too happy about seeing Lena leave either. When she noticed the brunette lingering, she asked:_

_“Wanna stay here tonight?”_

_“I would want to impose” Lena had replied._

_“Come on Lee… do it for me please?”_

_They both knew Kara was the one doing Lena a favor, not that the CEO will ever admit it. And how could she possibly say no when Kara looked at her this way?_

_“Please Lena, don’t make me pout” Kara warned._

_“If you insist…” she said, laughing._

_Kara’s response was a hell of a smile in Lena’s opinion. The way she had looked at her at this moment, like Lena hung the stars in the night sky just for Kara to see, had taken the air out of the brunette’s lungs. Fortunately, her poker face was one of steel and Kara didn’t notice. She simply thanked her and they began their nightly routine, Lena having spent more nights than she could count at Kara’s place._

_When she exited the bathroom after her shower, Lena had found Kara in front of her bedroom window, staring at the sky._

_“Are you okay?”_

_Kara took a deep breath and looked at her._

_“I’m okay now” she replied and Lena’s heart skipped a beat. Kara was smiling even though Lena could see her eyes were clouded._

_“What’s on your mind?”_

_Kara took a moment before responding._

_“Just thinking about my parents”_

_Another pause. Lena knew Kara’s parents died when she was thirteen, and that she had a lifetime of memories about them. In those instances, she found she was the lucky one in their shared misery, having lost her mother at four. She didn’t remember a lot about her, and maybe it was for the best. She wasn’t haunted with memories like Kara was._

_“You know my father taught me the names of all the stars there are to know in the Universe” Kara began. “He would come to my room when the night had fallen, put me on his knees and show them to me. Tell me about the stories behind each of them, the science responsible for their creation, and the knowledge they could bring to our world. They used to fascinate me, and all I wanted was to visit each and every one of them. When I told my mom I was leaving to go and travel into space to see them, she was not very happy with my dad” Kara laughed at the memory._

_She was imagining a little Kara ready to go into space with nothing more than her sheer will. The though made her smile. Kara rarely spoke about her parents, and when she did, Lena was glad she felt comfortable enough sharing them with her._

_“We spent so much time just looking at the night sky after that, the three of us. Making up stories about what was going on on their surface, planning our visits, what we’ll do once we landed on each star. Those are some of my favorite memories of them you know?” Kara asked while looking down at her._

_Lena remember thinking it was strange, the way Kara spoke about visiting stars. Like it was actually a possibility somehow. But it was the pain in Kara’s eyes that rendered her speechless._

_“I’m sorry to bother you with this” Kara quickly apologized._

_“You’re not bothering me, Kara. Ever”_

_“I just… every time I look up at the sky at night, I think about them and what could have been. What would my life be like, what would I be like? My parents were far from perfect, maybe I would have turned out just like them. They were so brilliant and empathic but only for people they deemed worthy, forgetting about all of the others left behind. What if…”_

_Lena couldn’t stand this. Kara was exceptional, perfect in her eyes even._

_“Listen to me Kara. You are your own person, okay? Sure, the way your parents raised you matter, but you are so pure. You were born like this. And maybe your parents had their flaws, but don’t we all? The way you described them to me, I…” Lena took a steadying breath. Kara was looking at her with those big blue eyes that could hold a galaxy, holding her breath as she listened to every word falling out of Lena’s mouth. It was almost too much. Lena took Kara's hand in her own._

_“When I look at you Kara, all I can see is the good they instilled in you. You inherited all that was good about them, and increased it tenfold. You’re amazing Kara. You inspire people, with your joy, your kindness, your care. Look at me. I was so lonely before I met you. Now I have a best friend, friends I see almost every day that don’t like me for my money or judge me on my last name. You gave me a family, Kara. You. You changed my life for the better all by your own. Just by being you”_

_Kara was crying now. And she looked at Lena like her words were just too much for her to bear._

_“Lee, you don’t – you don’t know all - all of me. All that I did. I ha – I have to tell…”_

_“Shhh Kara. Not now. It’s okay, come here”_

_And Lena had hugged Kara and Kara had clinked to Lena like her life depended on it._

_After a couple of minutes, Kara calmed down and watery laughed._

_“I’m sorry. That wasn’t really what you expected when I asked you to stay over, right?”_

_“Don’t worry, I’m glad I stayed. Who would watch over you if not me?” Lena joked. She knew Alex would always be there for Kara, but she liked to think that after her sister, she was the one Kara confided in the most._

_“Now let’s get to bed, it’s late and you need some rest”  
Kara shrugged and followed her to her bed. Together they laid there, just enjoying each other company. _

_“Thanks Lena. For staying. And for everything you said. It means the world to me”_

_Lena found it amusing she was the one wanting to stay with the blonde, and that it turned out it was Kara that needed her the most._

_“I’ll always be here for you Kara”_

_Lena smiled in the dark, remembering and repeating the words Kara had uttered to her a long time ago. She knew Kara remembered them too._

_“And Kara?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_Lena was felling brave in the dim light of the stars, and so she stated what was on her mind each time her eyes fell on Kara._

_“You seem to like the stars so much, but – but every time I look at you, you always remind me of the Sun”  
Kara was silent for awhile. Lena was growing nervous and she wasn’t sure what to say to diffuse the rising tension._

_“It’s funny…” Kara began._

_“Because every time I see you, you always remind me of the Moon”  
_

 

That’s why looking at the Moon this evening was so painful for Lena. The memory of that night hung heavy in her heart. She had always known she was falling for Kara. It was inevitable after all. Since the beginning of their friendship, Lena had been attracted to the reporter. First, it was curiosity, when Kara had found her way into her office with a certain Clark Kent. Of course Kara would come with _Superman_ for her first meeting. Lena snarked upon this revelation. Then they started a friendship, and ended up being besties like Kara liked to brag. The more she got to know Kara, the more she fell in her orbit. She knew she would never have a chance with the blonde. Even for someone of her standing, Kara was out of reach. And adding the Luthor effect, Kara was completely out of her league. Besides, Kara liked men. She was with this Mon-El after all. So Lena, always the pragmatic one, tampered all of her feelings for Kara. But after her heartbreak, she and Lena grew close, even more than before. And so the brunette couldn’t help but hope. Hope, that maybe Kara reciprocated some of her feelings. Hope, that maybe she wasn’t as oblivious as she appeared to be. 

After that night though, it didn’t matter. Because Lena had fallen, utterly and completely, in love with Kara. And there was nothing she could do to ignore or deny it. So she just rode the wave and prayed to whatever entity that Kara felt the same way, or at least, prayed she find the strength to move on.

And that’s what made the truth so painful for Lena. And it was the reason she was standing there tonight, alone, looking at the Moon.

And that’s when she heard it. A knock on her office door. She didn’t bother to look around, and soon enough, heard familiar steps make their way towards her.

“Hey”

It was Kara. She didn’t take her eyes of the Moon.

“I’ve been calling you, and …”

“I know” Lena answered, her tone sharp.

The blonde gulped, noticing the stiffness of her best friend.

“We need to talk Lee”

“How, do we now?”

“Please Lena. Just give me 10 minutes, and I’ll let you alone after for as long as you want.”

The brunette was silent for a moment.

“Please Lee?” 

She had rarely heard Kara’s voice so weak and small.

“Do tell”

“Look at me please” the reporter begged.

It took an infinite moment of time, but Lena finally looked at her. And what she saw left the snarky remark she was about to throw on the tip of her tongue. Kara seemed so sad, so exhausted, so _defeated_. The light Lena had come to associated with the blue of Kara’s eyes was now missing, and the blonde was on the verge of tears.

“I…” 

Kara tried again.

“I know you’re avoiding me”

“I’m not”

“Please Lena, don’t lie to me”

Lena shrugged.

“You’re one to talk.” 

Kara looked puzzled for a moment, but something in her eyes clicked.

“I knew it. You know.”

Lena didn’t even try to deny it.

“I do”

Kara let out a long breath, one that didn’t seem to end.

“It was Lex, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. Yes, it was. Though it should have been you”

“I know”

“That’s it. That’s all you have to say?” Lena was beginning to lose her cool in the face of a Kara that was so stoned. 

“I noticed you were avoiding me the past couple of weeks. And not in the way you usually do when you’re preoccupied, or busy. Something was just off with you, I knew it. And then, when I finally got to see you yesterday, you were so distant with me, I – I just... I don’t know how, but the look in your eyes when you looked at me – it killed me. You never looked at me like that and - and I knew. I just knew you knew”

Lena turned back towards the railing and stared at the night sky one more time. She couldn’t stand to look at Kara anymore, the betrayal the only think she now saw. She didn’t want to let Kara excuse herself, or whatever the hell she hoped to accomplish by coming here.

“I came here to apologize for something undefendable, unforgivable. I won’t offend you by asking for your forgiveness or your understanding. I just want you to know two things. I’ll be quick. Then, I’ll be out of your way”

Lena didn’t wanna hear it, but her heart longed for at least an explanation. So she motioned for the blonde to continue, not sparing her a glance.

Kara moved closer to her, leaning on the railing next to Lena. She took a deep breath and began.

“When I first landed on Earth, the Danvers told me to hide who I was, whatever the cost. I didn’t understand why, but tried doing as I was told. Then, I heard this quote in a movie, something about the sin of silence?”

Lena was familiar with the quote, but didn’t bulge. 

“Anyways” Kara continued.

“The quote was about the sin of silence. Sin by silence, when truth should be heard, turn men into cowards. Something like that, I can really remember the exact words. When I heard it, it strengthened the fact that I didn’t want to hide. But then things happened, and it’s not what I came here to talk about.

I thought a lot about that quote lately. How weak I was, not telling you the truth. I want you to know I never hid it because of your name or anything about you. At first, it was to protect me, then to protect you, and before I knew it, it was too late to tell you.”

“It’s never too late. You could have told me when you felt ready and I would have forgave you”

Kara paused.

“Really?” Kara sounded so surprised it hurt Lena even more.

“Is it so hard to believe I can show understanding and empathy towards the people I care about?”

Kara was about to reply – surely to reassure Lena she knew how big her heart was or something like that - but Lena didn’t give her the chance.

“Now continue. I have things that need taking care of” 

Neither one said that it was already too late - even for Lena - to work tonight.

“Right. So here we go. I never told you because I was selfish. I was afraid to lose you and I can’t lose you Lena. You mean so much to me. And I do trust you. With all that I am. I need you to know that.”

Lena shrugged.

“You sure have a funny way of showing it”

“I know what I did to you was wrong and I hated myself everyday for it. I hate myself for lying to you”

“Please Lena… please look at me. I’m begging you”

Lena didn’t want to. Why would she indulge in what Kara wanted when she never even considered her feelings? Kara knew Lena had trust issues, knew it was so hard for Lena to open up. And yet she still lied to her face every day. But Lena’s heart ached in her chest. _This traitor_ she thought. So she turned to Kara, _one last time_ she told herself. After all, you won’t ever see her again after tonight. 

Kara was crying silently. Tears were running down her cheeks, but what stroke Lena was the resigned air that took residence in her features. Like if the reporter had needed to come here to give Lena her side of the story, but knew it would be to no use. Lena stood still, waiting for her to continue.

“I know I broke your trust and that you probably hate me right now and want me gone as soon as possible. But I couldn’t let you go without telling you that every moment we spent together was genuine. Everything I ever told you, you being my best friend, the fact I believe in you despite you not believing in yourself… I meant it Lena. Truly”

“I will always be your friend. And I will always protect you.” She then stayed silent for a moment.  
“But there’s something else I need you to know. I can’t hold it inside anymore. I won’t stay silent another second”

“What, you still have another secret?”

Lena couldn’t believe this. A secret identity was already enough. What more could Kara have kept from her? 

Kara looked at the stars as if to gather courage from them.

“One last thing. Then I’ll leave.”

“Go ahead then”

Kara captured Lena’s stare and the look in her blue eyes rooted the CEO to the spot.

“I’m in love with you”

Kara looked up at the Moon, then at Lena. She smiled at her one last time, then turned away to leave.

 _I’m in love with you_. Even if she wanted to, Lena wouldn’t be able to remember all the times she had hoped to hear those few words. _Too many times,_ she thought to herself. She had dreamed about Kara returning her feelings, imagining how her best friend would confess her love to her. She had wondered if the blonde would have been crying, afraid the brunette would reject her. Or if Kara would just tell her during one night where she would have stayed over. Just reveal her feelings to Lena. Like it was the simplest thing in the world. Like it was the only thing that made sense. Like it was meant to be. Like _they_ were meant to be.

Lena had even fantasized about been brave enough to come clean herself. She would have taken Kara in an evening walk under the stars, and just go with it.  
_In order to live we must keep daring, keep diving_ she would have started. Reminiscence of the words Cat Grant once told Kara, and that Kara repeated to Lena one evening. 

_They gave me strength when I needed it Lee. Even now, I often think about them and about Miss Grant. I wanna live the life I choose for myself you know ? Kara had asked._

_"You can't live in fear" Lena had responded again and Kara had smiled._

And so those words would have been the starting point of her confession.

Those thoughts seemed so far away now, forgotten after the worst betrayal the young Luthor had ever experienced. So why on Earth did Kara had to reopen that old wound? One that never quite healed Lena knew, but with which she had learned to live with. 

Lena's cool temper flew away at the speed of light. She was always so composed. Able to remain expressionless in front of some hostile board, or stone cold in the face of her mother. Always calm and in control. But Kara's words were too much. She turned to see Kara halfway to her door.

"Dont you dare say this and then just leave!" 

The fury in her voice stopped Kara dead in her tracks. She had never heard Lena use that voice before, yet alone hear Lena yell at her before.

"You don't get to come here, pretend you're the victim when you chose day after day to lie to my face. And then just confess you love me ?!" 

Lena could not believe this. Kara sure had some nerves.

"Is it just another lie? So that I feel sorry for you? So I can forgive you??!"

"Well I'm telling you: I won't fall for another one of your lies _Supergirl_. You can see yourself out now. I can't stand looking at you anymore"

That seemed to break something in Kara. There were unshed tears in her blue eyes. Lena turned her back to the reporter, expecting her to leave without a fight. But Kara never did what Lena expected her to.

"No - no Lena! Listen. I know I made mistakes, a lot of them. But I told you. I don't wanna lie to you anymore, about anything. And I won't lie by omission either. I told you I love you because it's the truth."

Lena could feel her stare on her back, but won't give the blonde the satisfaction to look at her.

"You're the most amazing person I ever met Lena. In the entire universe. The moment I saw you in your office, I had a feeling you'll be important to me. Somehow I knew there was something about you I needed. Turns out it was only you I needed" Kara whispered. 

"You're so kind and caring and brilliant and honest despite what you had to endure. And you chose me, a junior reporter, to give all your exclusives to. I was nobody and you were this big powerful CEO and - and you still befriended me. I was nothing and you are out of this world Lena"

Those words shouldn't make Lena's heart beat faster with hope and longing. But they seemed so genuine, Lena couldn't help but believe them.

Lena knew she should be stronger. True, she was in love with Kara. But she could move on. She had loved and lost people before. She was strong enough for this. But deep down, she knew she maybe wasn't strong enough when it came to Kara. She had let the blonde in and Kara changed her. She taught her love was a strength and not a weakness. So maybe, wanting to forgive Kara wasn't Lena been weak, but Lena been brave.

"I hope you can find it in your heart to let other people in Lena. I know I hurt you, but there are people out there who don't lie. I already hate myself for what I did to you but I couldn't live with myself if you decided to stay alone for the rest of your life because of something I did. Please."

Lena had to admit Kara knew her well. She had already come to the conclusion she would never put herself in this position again. Being lied to, being the fool every one felt sorry for. She wouldn't live this again.  
Moreover, she knew Kara was it for her. She had dealt with this fact and accepted the role of the best friend. A role that was enough for her, because she needed Kara in her life. But even now when she couldn't stand to look at the reporter, she knew she would never love anyone like she loved Kara.

"Leave now... please"

She didn't plan on sounding so broken. And Kara didn't expected it either, judging by the surprised and hurt gasp she let out.

"Goodbye Lena"

Lena lasted until she heard the click of her door being shut close before breaking down. She collapsed to the floor and bursted into tears. She cried because she was angry, because she was furious. She cried because she lost all she had in the blink of an eye: her friends, her best friend, her family. A future. She cried for what was and what could have been. She cried until she had no more tears to cry, and even then, she didn't stop shaking.

⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓

A month later, Lena was standing in front of Kara's loft's door. She had time to clear her head and make up her mind.

Kara didn't leave her the time to knock when she opened the door with so much force Lena thought it would stay in the kryptonian's hand.

Kara was staring at her like she couldn't believe Lena was really here.

"You plan on letting me in one day?" Lena tried to joke.

Kara gaped like a fish but didn't say anything. She however stepped aside to let Lena in.

Kara looked tired but her apartment was a mess. Lena never pegged Kara as nonorganised or careless when it came to her home, but she guessed their fallout didn't only affect her.

Kara finally gathered enough clarity to say:

"Lee... I'm so happy to see you. I hoped you'd come one day. Kinda waited until you did" she said sheepishly.

"You hoped I'd come to see you ? After everything?"

“Even heroes have the right to dream” Kara smiled sadly.

"Alex said I shouldn't hope to much. After all, what I did was unforgivable" 

Lena tried to make eye contact with the blonde but Kara's eyes were fleeting.

"She thought I should move on. I told you everything, there was nothing more I could do. But I just couldn't give up the hope that I'd see you again. One more time"  
At this instant, Lena knew she could do this. She could overcome her own demons, overcome the betrayal, forgive Kara and move on. They could start over, on a good, solid and honest basis this time. And maybe they could come to terms with their feelings someday, start a relationship and build the life they both deserved. She knew Kara had suffered great lost too and they understood each other despite everything. _Stronger together_ right? 

Lena wanted this life with Kara. And she knew Kara wanted it with her. She was sure of it. All she had to do was tell the woman she loved she was ready to forgive her and give her another chance. 

And all Lena needed to do was confess she was in love with her too and wanting nothing more than to build a family with her Kryptonian. That's possible right? If not, the CEO would find a way. 

Kara was looking at Lena like she was waiting for her incoming execution. Heartbroken but resigned.  
Lena knew how to get Kara to understand everything she needed her to know. Everything Lena had come to understand with the time she had had to process. She would not need an obscenely long explanation to make Kara understand. They always shared a connection and their bond wasn't broken despite Lena's best efforts.

Lena took a deep breath. _Now or never, Luthor_. And so Lena dived.

"You know, the Moon and the Sun were always meant to be. Even if they keep chasing one another. One could argue their love is written in the stars."

Kara looked at her with incredulity at first, but then with so much hope and now untamed adoration in her galaxy blue eyes. Kara understood. She always did.

And Lena could see the love radiating of the superhero. A love she only ever saw directed her way. She wondered how she missed it before. The pure look of love in Kara's eyes whenever she laid her eyes on Lena.

"They're soulmates Kara"

The brightness of the smile Kara gave her at this instant would have shamed those stars.

 

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> Comments are always welcome ^^
> 
> And for those of you who were wondering, here's the real quote:
> 
>  
> 
> _"To sin by silence when they should protest, makes cowards of men."_  
>   
> 
>    
>  _Abraham Lincoln_
> 
>  
> 
> And here's my tumblr : @kokolaury and my Twitter : @travelshow29  
> I'd love to make new friends so don't hesitate to contact me! ^^


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